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Connecting Life Together

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I attended a Women’s Prayer Breakfast last weekend. It was nice, and much of what the speaker shared, I think, applies to many of us here; especially those going through an “adjustment to your new normal,” and maybe feeling a little daze or confused about life.

The theme was “Gospel Connections for Life Together,” and the focus was on the scripture verses, I Corinthians 12:14-26. But you could replace the word “Gospel” with several things: “Friends Connections for Life Together,” “Family,” “Community.”  The message would be the same. “We cannot make a connection by ourselves. We need other people.”

Key Takeaways:

  • It’s not about you.
  • Recognize your rightful place
  • Move in love

The brief of it all is that if you want to make a connection (at your church; with family; friends, your community), you have to understand that everything’s not about you. You have to be willing to connect with other people and do life together, which means putting other people before yourself at times. You also have to recognize that you can’t play all the parts. You can’t do everything.

The Bible relates it to the different parts of the body: 

“The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!”  On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable… But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it,so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other…”

I like to also think about it like the different parts of a beautiful orchestral work. We might all like the sound of the violin, but if we all played the same instrument, and the same parts, we’d miss the fullness of what the music was meant to be without the addition of the other string instruments, the beating of the drums and percussion, and the beauty of the woodwinds and horns. When all the instruments work together, playing their different parts, the orchestra is at its best; the music comes together the way the composer envisioned it.

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No matter how talented you are, you can’t do everything; nor should you. Because when you try, you are preventing someone else from using their own talents to contribute to the musical piece.

We ALL have a purpose. And we ALL need other people to live out that purpose; and to make a connection. How does that apply here?

Because many of you are struggling through some of life’s changes and challenges, but you have not reached out and connected with people who can help you. People at your church, your work, school, your civic organization, or just a friend. Perhaps pride or embarrassment keeps you from asking for help, so you just slip deeper into whatever area of problems you may be dealing with (financial challenges, family or work issues, relationships, etc.).

Others of you have the gifts and talents in various areas that can be useful to someone, but you’re holding them back, not willing to extend a helping hand to help pull someone through what may be a dark time for them.

Maybe you work in finances and can help someone get on a budget; or you’re good at investments and can help a friend learn how to grow their income. Maybe you’re incredible at couponing – have you thought about having your interested friends over for a little workshop to show them how they can start to save up to hundreds of dollars a month?

Are you good with cars? You could show women how to take care of theirs, and how to know if their mechanic is trying to rip them off. Or perhaps you’re a great homemaker who knows how to stretch a dollar and still make nutritionally great meals for your family for far less than eating out or ordering in! You got a garden that’s flourishing? How about sharing your vegetables and herbs with someone who can’t afford to buy farm fresh items. If it’s a flower garden; brighten someone’s day with an unexpected bouquet.

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I think you get the point.

Acknowledge your need for other people. Recognize your place (strengths/talents/gifts) in yourself and others. And then DO something! Help someone with your talents. And allow someone else to help you with theirs. But do it all in love.

 

Self-Care is Self Survival

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For the most part, I hate undoing things. Or should I say dealing with the aftermath of having done something. Just like most people, I prefer putting up the Christmas tree and decorating the house for the holidays. But I dread the January time period of taking everything down and putting them away. I love planning and hosting parties, anytime a year, really, but loathe the clean up afterwards. And when it’s time to travel, whether I’m going 500 miles back home, or traveling 5,000 plus miles overseas, I am a terrible procrastinator when it comes to unpacking and putting things away after the trip.

If I could figure out a way to monetize a new business model, I would start a company where I would come plan your parties, pack your luggage, and decorate your house for whatever season, but only in return for people coming to my house to put all of my things away. Not sure how that would actually work, but that’s how much I hate doing it.

So I’m four days returning from my Christmas vacation, and my luggage still sits in the middle of the floor; an unopened one by the back door in the den, and the other one I’ve been picking through on an as-needed basis, in the bedroom. But I have made a little progress, in the form of sorting through my cards and gifts. Now I’m not saying I’ve made any progress with putting them away, or to use yet. But the fact that they’re out of their gift bags and on my bed — okay, stacked together next to my bed — is forward movement.

As I look at several of the little items gathered together, a theme seem to jump out at me. “Self-Care!”

Maybe I was looking for it without realizing it, but all of the thoughtful gifts were messages and reminders for me. And something that made starting 2018 more perfect.

Two of my friends bought me a bottle of doTERRA Frankincense essential oil that I’e already begun using. Now that may not seem like a big deal to you, but my friends didn’t just grab something off the shelf. They know me and knew about my health struggles I’ve dealt with over the years. And Frankincense is said to help relieve chronic stress and anxiety, and reduce pain and inflammation. I need help in all of those areas.

A week later a colleague gave me a placard for my office with the word “REJOICE” and the scripture Psalm 118:19-24 written on it. The phrase that stands out to me most, that I want to read each day I come to work, is the reminder to rejoice and be glad. Glad that I have a job to come to. Glad that I enjoy what I do (most days). Glad that I’m able to make a living at what I do. And glad that I’m making a difference in the lives of young people, even at times when I think I’m just talking in circles.

“…let us rejoice today and be glad.” Psalm 118:24b

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With the extreme drop in temperatures during the start of this year, I’ve been wearing the moisturizer and aloe-infused socks that one of my sisters gave me to bed each night since I got home. Today, I’m enjoying my second visit to Starbucks this week, compliments of a Starbucks gift card my other sister gave me. But I have to also admit, after popping four or five Truffles in my mouth in less than an hour, that sometimes denial is as important in the name of self-care! So I had to put the remaining box of that delicious treat in the freezer!

I appreciate all of my Christmas gifts from family and friends. There’s no one thing better than the next, because it’s always the thought; that someone even thought enough about me to want to share a gift this holiday season. But this year I’ve taken to heart those items that also point me in a direction I need to daily remember — to take care of myself.

There is a difference between self-care and self-obsession. While there are many people who spend way too much time and money on pampering and overindulging themselves, mostly at the exclusion to what may be going on with other people in the world around them, there are still many others who spend much of their time helping and giving to others; being there whenever someone calls; sacrificing their own needs for the needs of family, work or friends.

We have to remember to take care of ourselves if we are to survive. The overused airplane analogy is nonetheless a perfect picture of how we should approach life, in terms of how we give — emotionally, financially, physically, and relationally. And that is to remember to put on your own oxygen mask first before assisting others around you with theirs. No matter how tempting it is to reach for your children, or to assist your aging parent beside you, if you are not in a healthy state first, you will not be as effective to assist others. And quite possibly, you both may suffer as a result.

I’m looking forward to lighting one of my scented candles, slipping on a pair of those super soft socks, and enjoying a hot cup of tea in my large “HOPE” mug, while writing in my new journal. Yes, FAITH makes all things possible!

So as I kick off this new school year, and the pressures and workload of collegiate teaching in this environment grow, I’ll look to my gifts as subtle reminders of some of the things that should really be important.

REJOICE. HOPE. FAITH.

What great words to remember and to live by this new year!

There’s No Goodbye in Friendships

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I had a nice visit with a good friend the other day. She is moving away from my hometown, so this was our last time together for a while. Funny thing is that what I call my hometown, truly is the place where I feel the most at home (high school, college, friends, family, etc.), however, I haven’t lived there in over 20 years! But ever since I left, I have made it a practice to visit, typically two times a year; always making time to see my close friends each time I’m in town. And now, she won’t be there.

As we sit back relaxing on a cushioned daybed, I stare out into the backyard from her screen porch, and wonder, why haven’t we done this more often. Mango tea in one hand, and no bugs to swipe away with the other, I am enjoying watching the birds bounce around on the large crepe myrtle, which has lost most of its flowers, but whose greenery still provides a safe haven for the tiny birds to play. In the distance, I can hear what must be squirrels jumping tree to tree; or perhaps it’s the rabbits she says have made themselves at home in her yard. It’s a beautiful sunny day; but hot and humid, as I remembered a South Carolina June day is suppose to be. The ceiling fan in the porch makes it tolerable, but of course, I’m here for the conversation anyway.

Lisa is unusually calm today. I expected to find her running around trying to take care of last minute things; maybe even stressing out that everything wasn’t going to get done in time. But she was just the opposite. Since it was her husband’s new job that initiated the move, she’s had the benefit of having his company handle everything for the move. So as the two women inside continue to wrap and pack up boxes in the kitchen, and the five or six guys continue to carry furniture out onto the large moving van, she had the time to sit and simply chill out with me for an hour or so to talk.

It’s been about a year since she first got word that this day might be coming. I remember the first time she asked for general prayer, that they would know which path they should take with some opportunities coming their way. The final determination was made months later; right as school was getting underway. So that meant making other decisions based upon their son’s school as well. The delayed time for departure, I think, gave her some extra time to prepare as much emotionally for it, as she had to do physically and logistically.

I think that sometimes we forget about the emotional toil that major life changes can have on us. People often only consider the financial challenges or physical changes that might be ahead. And while we may all be impacted differently when our lifestyle is forced to go through a change, we are, nonetheless, all still impacted! Preparing for your new life mentally and emotionally is just as important as all of the logistics you might handle to prepare physically. It’s definitely not an area you should neglect as you make plans for your new normal.

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Before I left, I picked a bowl of blueberries from her backyard one last time (and threw them in a salad later that day). Jokingly, I told her I would be back next summer to meet the new owners, just so I could help myself to the blueberry bushes.

I’ve alway loved what they did with their backyard, filling the landscape with peach trees and blackberry bushes. Though the pending move made her skip planting a vegetable garden, it has in the past been just as spectacular as the vast array of carefully planted daylilies, and black-eyed Susans; mums and daisies; azaleas and multiple magnolia trees. It’s a Southern girl’s dream yard!

So of course I said yes when she offered me some of her hundreds of daylilies, and then gave me a large container herb garden filled with everything from chives to rosemary; mint and oregano. Graciously, I promised to take good care of it all.

Best news of all…she’s actually moving about 350 miles closer to where I live now!