Time to Move from Financial Denial to Reality Living

I made a Facebook post on my Catching Raindrops in Water Buckets page, bragging about how happy I was to find a large container of Folgers coffee on sale at Kroger. I was very happy about my find because I was in there picking up items for an event that was happening the next day, and coffee was among them.

Seeing that winter was refusing to leave, and the forecast called for a rainy and much cooler day, I knew that a fresh brewed pot of hot coffee would be a welcomed treat to our guests!

But within hours of me posting my 75% savings, and talking about having paid less than three dollars for a 23 ounce container that normally sold for over eleven dollars, one of the women who follow my page decided to mock my posting.

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“It is $3 for a reason,” she wrote. Adding the ever present “hahaha” whenever someone’s trying to be funny. I fired back; not because I was personally offended. To be honest, I don’t routinely buy Folgers coffee. I don’t drink enough of it on a regular basis to buy large containers of anyone’s coffee. So I tend to grab the smaller bags; usually when I have a coupon for the grocery store, or when a place like World Market runs them for a Buy One Get One free! And on the occasion I’m sitting and writing from one of my favorite cafes, I’ll usually buy a small cup there, if only to justify why I’m taking up a seat while working on grades or even this blog.

But I responded to her, not so much to set her straight — perhaps she really was trying to be funny — but more as a message to any of my other readers who thought the way her comment implied:

“Lots of people love Folgers. Actually, lots of people are drinking it and don’t even know it. Don’t you know that’s what most people are serving at conferences and church? Do you really think it’s the high premium ones being served?”

You see. I’m convinced that the reason so many people struggle financially for so long following a job loss, or downsizing, or an economic blow to their bank account, is because they’re not willing to adjust their lifestyle to their new life. They live and spend and go about their days in what I call “denial of the moment,” that catches up to them when the debt collectors come calling.

I know there are some who really don’t know how to make a major life shift, because luxury spending and not having a budget was always so much a part of their every day life, that adjusting is difficult. They don’t know where or how to start. However, that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t learn.

But then there are others; several people who I know personally, who don’t because they won’t. They would rather be seen with the five dollar green logo cup of coffee in their hands, than the one dollar gas station version; or even something brewed from home. They would rather run up their credit cards at their old familiar boutique retail outlets, than to be seen coming out of a discount store, let alone, any type of consignment shop.

These are the women who buy cars for “show” and look down on generic or store-brand products, some of which have beaten the higher priced items in blind taste tests, or are even products made by the same name brand companies. But when you’re putting on a show, the illusion is what you’re trying to sell.

And that’s one of the things that can get people into financial trouble, or gets in the way of them getting out of it. For an illusion to be believable, it has to be sustained. People have to work at getting others to buy their lie.

Today in church, I sat next to a friend I’ve known for over 10 years. When service was over, another woman we both know commented on her outfit; complimenting the skirt and top she had on.

I got it from Goodwill,” my friend spoke up confidently. Their conversation after that was about which one of the Goodwills in town had the best finds, and which day of the week was the best time to go, etc. I had to smile, because I’d actually gone shopping with this friend at several Goodwill stores before. I’ve also spoken frequently with other women about giving it a try; especially if they said they were serious about watching their budgets.

But if there’s anything I’ve learned watching and personally walking through this past decade, it’s that you can’t make someone change their ways. You can only offer them assistance, show them another way, and encourage them to make life’s adjustments to their new normal. It’s up to them to face the reality of where they actually are, and stop with the illusion of where they once were, or hoped to be.

There should be nothing embarrassing about being wise with your money.

 

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